Monday, January 18, 2010

Baby's First Fetish Gathering

So on Saturday night, I went to my first-ever fetish club. A good friend of mine isn't particularly kinky, but he has a membership because he's realized that it's a great place to meet nerdy women (further discussion of the overlap between nerds and kinksters can be found on Mistress Matisse's blog.) I was, of course, there to meet kinky people, talk some shop, and maybe get to watch someone play. I've always been interested in public play (something Tim is NOT into) and so this was my chance to see a little of that.

Well, for a first impression, I think I did okay. Especially since I think I got hit on by at least four different people, most of whom are part of this sprawling polyamorous family. I met Jack, easily the world's most charming and handsome trans man, who apparently grew up going to the same comic book shop I did.

And I got to watch a guy get whipped, flogged, and paddled. Of course, I also got to watch him pass out from low blood sugar.

What I noticed when this man hit the ground was this: instantly, he had six or seven people at his side, lifting him, checking his breathing, getting him orange juice from the bar and a plate of cheese fries. His dominant, a woman in a floor-length red dress, sat him down and held him and told him that if he was going to diet (which apparently he was) he needed to actually eat, and he needed to warn her before he got to the point of fainting.

And then of course there were the people rushing in to assure me, the new kid in town, that this was not at all normal and that the man would be fine and that I shouldn't worry about this happening to me. I'd say that about 90% of the people there were personable, charming, and fascinating. Although they all seemed to be under the impression that I was very submissive. Maybe I'm just shy.

The only thing I didn't like about the evening was this pushy older woman who tried to convince me to bring Tim inside when he came to pick me up. She followed me outside, and when I told her that he was incredibly shy and wouldn't want to come in, she asked if she could at least talk to him. So when he pulled up at the curb she got INTO THE CAR, kissed him, and basically got all up in his spot.

I'm angry at this woman for a variety of reasons. First, she didn't listen to me the first time I said no to her. Second, she didn't ask Tim before she touched him, which is a standard rule of politeness in any circle and even more so in the BDSM world. But I'm more upset with myself than with her. I should have been firmer with her, should have told her that she needed to not get in his space, and I didn't. Why? Because I didn't want to be rude. But setting clear physical and mental boundaries is so important in this kind of situation that I feel like an idiot for forgetting it.

Overall, I had a great time. I liked the people. But if I'm going to go back, and if I'm going to try to get involved in this community, I need to teach myself how to say no, how to say it firmly, and how to stick to my guns.

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